The time has come for another round of hyper-optimistic, mildly delusional promises that I will make to myself for the next 365 days. I get quite a rush from listing out the things that I believe will make me an (even more) perfect human being. What is it exactly that makes us so keen on mapping out our plans to conquer the world? Why is ‘futurescaping’ so damn seductive? I’ll tell you why, as first world inhabitants we are obsessed with optimizing, strategizing and generally winning at life. I don’t know about you, but I have a library of self-help books that I have never actually opened. The simple act of purchasing them was enough to make me feel better. As long as we are perpetually in pursuit of betterment we never have to stop going going going! I have experienced the dreaded lull in listing when I have overcome a set obstacle and am in-between another. It is a truly terrifying loneliness. I hope to never see the day when I have nothing left to achieve and nothing left to dream. I love this time of the year because there is an infectious hopefulness that radiates from within each of us. Reality lingers on the sidelines and, for the next few days, we are free to become anything. I am beaming with pride at my 2014 list because I think I have really outdone myself. As you can see, there will never be a dull moment for me:
- Become fluent in French. Not intermediate, not advanced, fluent.
- Lose 10 lbs. Actually, make that 15.
- Only eat whole foods. Stay away Twizzlers Nibs! You evil cherry-flavored plastic bites of doom!
- Go to the dentist 2 times this year. Who are we kidding? Buy a decent toothpaste.
- Stop comparing yourself to other people’s Facebook posts.
- Read two books a month. Magazines do not count, neither do the book reviews on Amazon.
- Expand cooking repertoire to include things outside the realm of butter, noodles, and cheese.
- For every $ spent on clothing, add double to savings. I will be a millionaire by 2015.
- Don’t make fun of other people so much…
- Run a marathon. Wait, half-marathon… ok 5K
- Don’t leave trash in the car. Thanks Dad.
- Pay bills before receiving a threat from the collections agency.
- Buy stamps and be able to locate them when needed. whoa there Katherine, no need to get crazy.
- Don’t give other people the keys to drive you crazy. Thanks Mom.
- Spare your sanity and don’t bother buying an orchid this year.
- Stop being a lazy ass and separate out recycling and compost.
- Master a skill before starting another…
- Make an effort with your hair. Air-dry + scrunch is not an acceptable style.
- Come to terms with the fact that the idea of having a puppy is, for the time being, better than actually having one.
- Overcome your allergic-reaction to change.
Happy 2014! Thanks for your loyal readership and general awesomeness!