Ode to Gluten : A Tale of Unrequited Love


Dearest Gluten how I do love thee

You grace the world with your ever presence

And fool me with your purity

Free of pain and free of lies I never thought another

For beneath your sweet and sassy ways

A storm was’t brewing under

We would meet at morn and again at nigh

To thine I would be true

For a cup of soup is’t nothing without the playful side of you

Then one day I awoke to the sound of my alarm

And faced the day like any other

To meet a woman of beauty and charm

Her skin was aglow with health and light

Her buttery hair all a dew

She asked me what I had for breakfast

Of course I mentioned you

She looked at me for the longest hour

I could not run away

Under her stern and knowing eye

In my chair I must’eth stay

She took my hand and look’eth deep into my eyes

And shook her head as if knowing

That my life had been built on lies

In one fell swoop she did destroy all I held so dear

And prescribed to me the most terrible plan to which I must adhere

As I slumped back up the block

The day suddenly a’ thunder

The look on my face one of complete and total shock

As I walked back into work I smelt the crisp of toast

‘What on earth!’

My dear friend said, ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost’

I write this ode to you, dear friends, of my tragic history

That you might never love another

Each day to never be.

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