I am in my 27th year of life and I think it is the perfect opportunity to do a little refresher course on the things you should and shouldn’t do after a certain hour. According to my Dad, the hour should be 10:00 PM but, come on, let’s be real. I believe it to be a fact that 1:00 AM is the witching hour and decisions made thereafter can effectively ruin your life (ok maybe not your life but certainly the next few days, months, or years).
Things You Shouldn’t Do After 1:00 AM
- Text anyone a photograph of yourself
- Text anything strongly emotional or provocative
- Actually texting anyone anything. NO!
- Cut your own hair. Let us not forget that, in the haze that is 1AM, we may be fooled into believing that we are invincible and more skilled than we are at any given craft. Your hair may grow fast but certainly not fast enough to repair the damage before your 8AM interview. If you want Catherine Zeta-Jones’s bangs, for goodness sake, leave it to a professional. I decided to cut my bangs at 3AM the night before my freshman high-school photo. The image will haunt me forever.
- Drastically change your appearance in any way. This includes but is not limited to tattoos, piercings, hair coloring, self-tanning, ‘tailoring’ your own wardrobe, permanent eye-liner, eyebrow modification, etc…
- Quit your job over email
- Eat all of anything
- Purchase furniture online (especially when you have been drinking) There is a very expensive, heavy, and unpleasant delivery headed your way.
- Join any clubs
- Start drinking. Obvi.
- Make a major life decision. Including but not limited to professing your undying love or lack there of, enrolling in a non-refundable degree program, buying a non-refundable one-way ticket anywhere, getting married, having unprotected sex, legally disowning your children, etc…
- Go on a road trip
- Take your medical needs into your own hands. Including but DEFINITELY not limited to self-amputation, self-suturing, guesstimating a ‘responsible’ drug dosage, self-medicating, diagnose any ailment whether yours or someone else’s.
- Invite a stranger over to your house.
- Watch The Shining
- Go for a walk. Alone. In the dark. I don’t care where you are either get an Uber or STAY PUT.
- Drink a cup of coffee, Redbull, or 5-hour Energy. Actually, you should never drink those last two. Come on, we are not in college anymore.
- Go shooting. Sarah, I’m looking at you!
- Take up the trumpet.
- Hang art, move furniture, or hammer anything
Things you Should do after 1:00 AM
- Stop drinking
- Get in an Uber and go home
- Take a hot bath
- Take a Melatonin or a sip of Benadryll
- Write thank you notes to family members
- Read Bad at Art (applies to any time of day)
- GO TO SLEEP!
Thanks for reading!