A guide to the things you should and shouldn’t do after 1 AM

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I am in my 27th year of life and I think it is the perfect opportunity to do a little refresher course on the things you should and shouldn’t do after a certain hour. According to my Dad, the hour should be 10:00 PM but, come on, let’s be real. I believe it to be a fact that 1:00 AM is the witching hour and decisions made thereafter can effectively ruin your life (ok maybe not your life but certainly the next few days, months, or years). 

Things You Shouldn’t Do After 1:00 AM

  1. Text anyone a photograph of yourself
  2. Text anything strongly emotional or provocative
  3. Actually texting anyone anything. NO!
  4. Cut your own hair. Let us not forget that, in the haze that is 1AM, we may be fooled into believing that we are invincible and more skilled than we are at any given craft. Your hair may grow fast but certainly not fast enough to repair the damage before your 8AM interview. If you want Catherine Zeta-Jones’s bangs, for goodness sake, leave it to a professional. I decided to cut my bangs at 3AM the night before my freshman high-school photo. The image will haunt me forever.
  5. Drastically change your appearance in any way. This includes but is not limited to tattoos, piercings, hair coloring, self-tanning, ‘tailoring’ your own wardrobe, permanent eye-liner, eyebrow modification, etc…
  6. Quit your job over email
  7. Eat all of anything
  8. Purchase furniture online (especially when you have been drinking) There is a very expensive, heavy, and unpleasant delivery headed your way.
  9. Join any clubs
  10. Start drinking. Obvi.
  11. Make a major life decision. Including but not limited to professing your undying love or lack there of, enrolling in a non-refundable degree program, buying a non-refundable one-way ticket anywhere, getting married, having unprotected sex, legally disowning your children, etc…
  12. Go on a road trip
  13. Take your medical needs into your own hands. Including but DEFINITELY not limited to self-amputation, self-suturing, guesstimating a ‘responsible’ drug dosage, self-medicating, diagnose any ailment whether yours or someone else’s. 
  14. Invite a stranger over to your house.
  15. Watch The Shining
  16. Go for a walk. Alone. In the dark. I don’t care where you are either get an Uber or STAY PUT.
  17. Drink a cup of coffee, Redbull, or 5-hour Energy. Actually, you should never drink those last two. Come on, we are not in college anymore. 
  18. Go shooting. Sarah, I’m looking at you!
  19. Take up the trumpet.
  20. Hang art, move furniture, or hammer anything

Things you Should do after 1:00 AM

  1. Stop drinking
  2. Get in an Uber and go home
  3. Take a hot bath
  4. Take a Melatonin or a sip of Benadryll
  5. Write thank you notes to family members
  6. Read Bad at Art (applies to any time of day)
  7. GO TO SLEEP!

Thanks for reading!

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3 thoughts on “A guide to the things you should and shouldn’t do after 1 AM

  1. I’m a believer in the double digit rule for phones. Don’t call/text before double digits in the morning or after double digits at night. Unfortunately no one shared that rule with everyone else.

    I’ve also learned that on the nights I take ambien I should never, ever go near electronic communications devices. Painfully learned.

  2. Do not watch infomercials of any kind. I’ve found myself nodding and thinking “Yes! I really can make millions of dollars flipping real estate!” and wondering how in the world I ever survived without a $200 flat iron for my hair.

  3. Her türlü infomercials seyretmek etmeyin. Kendimi başını sallayarak ve “Evet düşünme buldum! Ben gerçekten! Gayrimenkul saygısız milyonlarca dolar yapabilir “ve dünyada şimdiye kadar benim saçlar için 200 dolarlık bir düz demir almadan kurtuldu merak nasıl.

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