Today I Woke Up in the Internet


Today I wake up in the internet. I haven’t fallen asleep in front of my computer, I am inside of my computer. Clearly, this is somewhat disconcerting but it feels familiar like seeing a movie over and over again and suddenly winding up in it. I wake up at, my home(page). I dangle my feet over the G and stretch.

‘What shall I do today?’ I ask myself.

In front of me, where the door should be, is only a lengthy search bar sitting empty.

“Coffee” I say clearly in its general direction.

The search bar transforms itself into ten doorways, each with a preview image and a short description.

What to choose?

The first is the Wikipedia Museum where I can learn everything about the history and making of coffee.

I doubt they had actual cups to drink.

Further on down the line I stop at a place called 1369 Coffee House in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I pull my SpyWear coat over my shoulders and walk through the door. I am instantly enveloped by the sweet smell of freshly brewed coffee and baked bread. The shop is busy and alive. No one is on their computer because they are already in the internet. Instead, they flip through books on what it would be like to live in the ‘real world’ outside of this cyber reality.

I enjoy a creamy latte and leave the shop. Outside there is a man is giving away newspapers. He asks for my name, flips through his pile and hands me one. The Daily Facebook. I look over the headlines and realize that they are all stories about people I know. They are images and articles about my friends! I fold the paper and put it in my pocket for later.

As I am walking down the street, I notice a stylish woman walking towards me. Every few minutes, someone walks up to her and pins something onto her sleeve. She just smiles and keeps walking.

“Excuse me!” I say to her “I really like your outfit!”

She laughs and says, “Honey, if you like it, PIN it!” She holds out her sleeve and I fumble around for something to stick on her. In my right coat pocket I discover hundreds of tiny silver pins. I place one on her sleeve and she walks away happily. I am utterly perplexed and notice that no one has bothered to pin anything on me. I suppose I did get ready in quite a rush this morning.

I am getting a little tired of Cambridge and look around for a master search bar or something. There is no such thing but the people on the street keep looking at their watches and disappearing. I look down to find that I have the very same watch.  The moment I glance at it, my trusty search bar reveals itself again.

“Groceries” I say aloud.

My device seems to remember what I mean by this and I am swiftly transported to the warehouse, amazon. The place is absolutely enormous. I walk through the doors and see that it has little carts with custom search bars that take you where you need to be. I hop on and make my way through my list. Socks, cereal, paper towels and so on.

I am a member of amazon which means that I only have to wait in line for two days before I can take my items home. There are some people that wait for an entire week! Who has that kind of time? The nice thing is that my cart holds my space in line and allows me to go elsewhere.

On my way out of the store I run into Rebecca, a friend from school. She spots me and waves. I notice that there are hundreds of people behind her. She makes her way over to me and hugs me, the people behind her stop as well.

“Rebecca…who are all those people behind you?”

She smiles and turns to them waving and blowing kisses.

“Oh honey! These are my followers!”

They all wave and give her a thumbs up.

She whistles into the air and suddenly a tiny blue bird lands on her shoulder. She turns and whispers a message to it. The bird flies into the sky and I notice thousands of other little blue birds. Her bird is flying around frantically telling the others the message. The followers give the bird a thumbs up too.

With that, she is off and I push my way through her wall of followers until I make it outside.

The constant twittering of the blue birds above me is giving me a terrible headache. I would really love to go to yoga. I transport myself to yogaglo, my studio, and finally find a moment of peace and quiet. When the hour is over, instead of bowing in Namaste, we give our instructor and each other another big thumbs up.

I am feeling relaxed and calm and decide to go home and call it an early night.

“Home” I say and find myself reclining on one of the Os. The doorbell rings and startles me. Who could this be? I open the door to find the Gmailman. He smiles and hands me a massive stack of envelopes. I set them on the for later and turn on the YouTube. flip through millions of channels until I land on a documentary about the ocean.

I am still long enough for my home to sleep.

In the dark, I try to remember a time before I lived in the internet. I can’t.

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